The Rev. Michael Heath, of Fayetteville, is a licensed mental health counselor and a United Church of Christ minister.
There is a quiet crisis among many young men regarding masculinity and what it means to be a man.
Responses are polarized, either demonizing men or doubling down on traditional machismo. According to a professor and a governor, there is a better way.
NYU professor, podcaster and personal finance guru Scott Galloway’s new book, “Notes on Being a Man,” and California Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom’s recent criticisms of his own party for “walking away” from men suggest a more reasonable alternative.
The crisis with masculinity is a dilemma: How can men be men without being toxic to women? The term “toxic masculinity” arose in the wake of high-profile sex abuse cases involving the likes of Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein.
The Me Too movement affected young men differently. For some, it expanded their self-awareness and motivated more respectful behavior toward women,
For others, however, the effect was negative. Multiple studies cited by Galloway reveal that it contributed to a number of serious problems, including alienation, rage, declining performance, increasing clinical depression and suicide.
Responses from left and right
In response, there have been two reactions with opposite perspectives.
From the left, social and political progressives have not been helpful. They have condemned traditional male characteristics and adopted a predominantly feminist perspective. Their lack of empathy failed to provide any constructive solutions to change the situation.
From the right, political conservatives have tended to minimize the harm of abusive men, casting them as the victims of “toxic feminism.”
Besides politicians, a number of groups have emerged to provide support for estranged men.
Incels: For some time, incels (involuntarily celibate) are alienated men who are hostile to feminism, blaming them for their inability to find loving and intimate relationships. Indeed, young men are having less sex. Studies show that a high percentage of them haven’t had sex in over a year. As a group, incels exhibit not only a sense of alienation but, overall, very poor self-esteem and a poor level of mental health.
Turning Point: The late Charlie Kirk’s Turning Point USA drew millions of followers, in part, because it responded to men’s sense of alienation. While feeling their pain, he also understood their anger as he attacked progressives’ “over-feminization” of men. Kirk emphasized traditional biblical images of men as being the strong heads of the family. Likewise, he attacked feminism and promoted the submission of women to men.
Groypers: Nick Fuentes and the Groypers validated young men’s anger and expressed their rage at women, society and government. Like Kirk, they criticize feminists for wanting to soften men and deny them their essential nature.
Masculinity in a new key
In addition to the liberal and conservative approaches, there is a third alternative. It involves empathizing with young men’s experience but also casting masculinity in a non-abusive way.
It is possible, in fact, it is necessary to denounce abusive sexual behavior without condemning men as a gender. Further, it is crucial to show them how to feel good about themselves as men.
Galloway, in his book “Notes on Being a Man,” expressed concerns of both the left and right. He is deeply aware of young men’s plight, and he affirms the traditional notions of masculinity, but in a different way.
The traditional traits of strength, power and leadership are virtues when expressed in the context of protective responsibility. Authentic masculinity must be used in the service of others, i.e., to provide for and protect families, community, nation and planet, and not simply selfishly.
Galloway offers a positive approach for men to reclaim their masculine identity without its traditionally abusive tendencies.
To make meaningful progress to decrease sexual violence against women, there must be a political/institutional component. Newsom’s criticism of Democrats for abandoning men provides a wake-up call for his party. He is urging them to make the masculinity crisis a priority in their legislative goals. Without saying so explicitly, I believe that Newsom was calling for a Title IX-style initiative for men.
Such educational programs could teach responsible sexuality and the obligation for men to use their power and strength not only for their own desires but also for protecting others.
In this light, Galloway, Newsom and even Kirk agree. With this reasonable approach that avoids either extreme, men can be supported, abusiveness can be reduced, and traditional masculine values can be affirmed, but without brutality.